It has been too long. Way, way too long. This is a prime example of how blind we (well, me anyway!) can be to what we are doing day to day.
I mean, I knew there had been a bit of a break since I last wrote a new post. A few people have asked me how come I’ve not been writing. And yet, I still had no idea that it was this long a break. Half a year and I didn’t really notice!
It just goes to show that, while a bad habit is so so hard to break, a good one is all too easy. I mean, I love writing. It helps me to sort my thoughts, to record things that I think are really important, to go a little deeper into some of the things I’ve been teaching in class recently, or things I’ve been mulling over that have arisen in my own practice, to share ideas with other people who have a like mind – or a quite different mind, I don’t really care!!
It’s like when I gave up my daily practice, my daily time for me. It wasn’t a deliberate choice, it was just that life, and specifically family, got in the way. There was always another call on my time, that all seemed too important, much more important than myself. Those of you who have been reading this blog from the start, will have read about my journey back to looking after myself in earlier – much earlier!! – posts. And yet, I’ve done it again! I loved writing and yet – purely accidentally – let it go.
It can happen so easily. You miss the day you normally write, and then you don’t get time to write later in the week instead. You miss the next week too, and the next…..and then, suddenly, the habit is gone! You still wish you were writing – or meditating, or walking, or painting, or whatever is your thing – but it gets harder and harder to remember how you used to fit it in, and easier and easier to carry on not doing it! Until the day you discover that you have whiled away months – half a year!!!! – not doing something you love when really, really you could have been doing it all along.
And so, my new year’s resolution – rather late, I know! – is not to start something new (I already have, despite being rather fed up with resolutions altogether!), but to start and continue something I let go by mistake, without intention, almost unconsciously. To be more aware of my day-to-day choices and make them more consistent with what I want to do. And to reach out to any of you who are trying to do the same thing in your own way. To start is great – but to continue, well, that’s the real challenge.